Mind the gap — an essential skill for life and leadership

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You may have been hired on your cognitive abilities, but it’s your emotional intelligence that will make you last

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  • Difficulty handling change
  • Not working well in a team
  • Poor interpersonal relationships

Being emotional is not the same as being emotionally intelligent

https://fredriklyhagen.com/

Rest in the gap

“Discover inner space by creating gaps in the stream of thinking. Without those gaps, your thinking becomes repetitive, uninspired, devoid of any creative spark, which is how it still is for most people on the planet.”

Great leaders don’t react, they respond.

“Threats to our standing in the eyes of others are remarkably potent biologically, almost as those to our very survival.”

What happens when you respond instead of reacting?

Moving from over-expressive towards the centre

  • R=Recognise; Note (and/or label) with curiosity the feeling you are experiencing, for example “Interesting, I feel anger”.
  • A=Accept; You may not like the feeling but it’s here and now so try to just accept it.
  • I=Investigate; Deepen your awareness by doing the subject to object move mentioned earlier. How are the feelings affecting your body? Which mental stories are triggered?
  • N=No identification; You are not your emotions so don’t identify with them. Emotions are like clouds in the sky, they come and pass, and even behind the darkest cloud the sun is still unconditionally sharing it’s warmth. The clouds will pass. Be the sun.

The clouds will pass. Be the sun.

Moving from under-expressive towards the centre

  • R=Recognise; Note (and/or label) with curiosity the feeling you are experiencing, for example “Interesting, I feel frustration dwelling up”.
  • A=Accept; You may not like the feeling but it’s here and now so try to just accept it.
  • S=Share; Stay in the moment and articulate your feeling to the other person, for example: “I notice I get frustrated by this conversation.”
  • P=Pause; Pause to let your sharing be received, feel into the other persons response to your sharing and R.A.S.P again. Resist going into solution mode until you have expressed your feelings to avoid leaving emotional residue inside. If you’re sharing is not acknowledged, ask for a time-out to process then come back to the conversation.

Practice to mind the gap

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Ready to become who you could be? I’m an Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant writing about Leading Self & Others from a lens of Integral, Jung and Zen.

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Fredrik Lyhagen

Fredrik Lyhagen

Ready to become who you could be? I’m an Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant writing about Leading Self & Others from a lens of Integral, Jung and Zen.

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